Maybe you've heard of Dr. Seuss's title, The Butter Battle Book? Well, I could have written a novel called, The Breakfast Battle Book! Tell me if this sounds familiar. Your little angel LOVED bagels and cream cheese last week. But today, they are disgusting! And he doesn't like the classic breakfast sausage. He needs the maple breakfast sausage. I mean...DUH! What are you, crazy??? He doesn't want his bread butter side up. Zooks eat their bread with the butter side down.
Part of you wants to tell him, "Fine then, don't eat. See if I care!" But they know they've got you right where they want you. You're not going to send your kid off to school hungry. And you're certainly not going to feed him the syrup-drenched pancakes and gummy worms he's demanding. So, you go through the seemingly endless repertoire of what you are willing to offer and he's willing to eat, until you land on a protein bar, which he half-eats in your SUV on the way to school...and you later find melted and mushed into your upholstery.
It becomes a vicious cycle. And you inevitably send your little Zook off to school, with both of you feeling, well, "downright despondent, disturbed and depressed" - as Dr. Seuss would say. Maybe the breakfast battle is a stall tactic. Maybe it's a way for them to exert the limited control they have over their little lives. Whatever it is, something has to change!
Here's what our family has implemented. After dinner, we clean up the kitchen, kids take showers and then we watch a family show before books and bed. BUT... before we start our show, we say to the kids, "OK, guys, before our family show, let's make an agreement about tomorrow's breakfast." We pose a few choices. And then write the final decision on a whiteboard (it does NOT have to be Pinterest-worthy. I mean, let's face it...life is messy). Remember to show them what you've written, BEFORE turning on the tube.
This accomplishes several goals:
1. They have some say in the choice.
2. You get to decide as a team during peace time, vs in the middle of what can seem like a morning war zone.
3. The decision is pretty quick, since they want to move on to that family show. And bonus: the reward centers in their brain get lit up by the reward of a family show (or whatever your family's ritual is) after making a peaceful treaty.
4. You hold them accountable to their agreement in the morning. The word "agreement" is important here.
*Now, here's the critical part. YOU. MUST. NOT. DEVIATE. In the morning, you call their attention to the board and remind them of the agreement. Breakfast served, no questions asked. Hold them accountable to their agreement. IF they refuse to eat, let them know that is their choice. And that is ok. But, you have to keep up your end of the deal. This is what we agreed was for breakfast. Take it or leave it. They won't starve. And my guess is, it won't last long. But you know what? - I don't know for sure, because I haven't had to make this threat yet. Kids like being held accountable, particularly when they are invited to be part of the decision-making process. So far, this has worked like a charm...every. single. time.
Hope this little trick makes your mornings a little more peaceful!
Casey Saxon, Orton-Gillingham Associate-level trained, Member COPAA, Non-Attorney Advocate
Founder - The Studio. for Advocacy and Reading
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